#I was really tempted to do a Jurassic World gif

[swan2swan]

The biggest problem with Dominion is the dichotomy of Maisie's plotline with regards to motherhood, and the way both plots revolve around it from wholly opposite perspectives while never actually clashing.

Her plot starts off simply enough: she's angsting about not being a real person, Claire's trying to protect her, and Maisie spits at her with the "You're not my mother!" line right before she's kidnapped.

This is a classic Finding Nemo setup, which Claire takes to with gusto: she calls on favors, slips into seedy markets, fights a crime boss, eludes raptors, jumps out of a plane, and crawls through a forest to get the girl she calls her daughter back. Most stories would show this as a trial: ye olde "GASP! My parents love me!" story.

But the fact that Claire has no obligation to bring Maisie back is never challenged. Soyona doesn't bother with asking or playing the role of the tempting serpent instilling doubt; the closest the movie comes to that is Franklin giving her the "I told you this would happen" speech. It's all taken for granted, which is...okay, because we have already established who Claire is, but that's not the problem.

The problem comes with the other half of the story: Maisie mopes to Wu about how she's just a close, and Wu immediately points out how no, she was conceived and carried in a human womb just like everyone else! And he calls Charlotte "your mother".

And Maisie goes "Is that my mother?"

And when she meets Ellie, Dr. Sattler is somehow fully aware of who Maisie's REAL MOTHER, the one who created her and who she looks like, is, and gushes about how great of a eugen--person she was. Every single time Maisie talks about "her mother" with the people around her, the word is referring to Charlotte Lockwood, the woman who birthed her.

Meanwhile, that Claire woman is crawling into a slimy pond to get away from a twenty-foot-tall Kreugersaurus because she wants to get Maisie away from kidnappers.

Of course, Maisie runs back to her and yells "Those are my parents!", but there's still something missing there. Claire's side of the story is all about her powering through, risking her life time and time again to track down her daughter...but there's never really a moment between them later. Maisie even posits the "So I was just an experiment to her..." plotline that has been seen before, but even that's immediately refuted.

The movie's not wrong for avoiding the cliches and the oft-used tropes of foster motherhood, but it doesn't really break any new ground, either. Obviously, people can have more than one mom, but there's something of an imbalanced focus on Charlotte as Maisie's mother in the Maisie and Jurassic Park plotline, while Claire in the Jurassic World plotline is doing all the expected Mom Stuff.

I can't wholly express what's bothering me about it, maybe I'm overthinking it, but it...doesn't quite sit right with me.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #564

Top Ten Christmas Films 2022

Merry Christmas! 

So I’ve been doing this blog for ten years. You’d be forgiven for not knowing that, as I spectacularly failed to do an anniversary list on the actual tenth birthday of my first blog. But I digress; over a decade, it’s inevitable that tastes will change and lists that I made earlier in my tenure won’t ring quite as true anymore. I’ve addressed this before; I do a “Top Moments of the MCU” list about once every four years, and I’ve revisited a couple of older lists in various ways. I try to avoid doing too many outright “same list but different” – however, today is, in fact, the same list but different.

I last did a Top Ten Christmas Films on the very first Christmas I had this blog, back in 2012. You can check that list out here. Back then, I was very perfunctory, not really writing much and hardly ever attempting analyses of my choices. So I think it’s only fitting to return to the scene of the festive crime, like the Ghost of Christmas Present dragging Scrooge around poor Bob Cratchit’s house, and take another look at the best Christmas films of all time.

I’m tempted to go deep here into “what is a Christmas film?” but I think I’ve kinda covered this before. In general terms, then, I feel very strongly that a film set at Christmas isn’t necessarily a Christmas film. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Jurassic World, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, Prometheus, even my beloved Iron Man 3 are not really Christmas films I would say. No, the inherent Christmassiness has to be woven throughout the film. Themes of family, reconciliation, redemption, joy, togetherness… also music, music’s a biggie. They do have to be set at Christmas, too; hence I’ve excluded Christmas-feeling films such as the Paddingtons.

So that’s the arbitrary rules done and dusted. I guess there’s nothing more to do that wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and start unwrapping these bad boys. God bless us, everyone!

Die Hard (1988): a film so Christmassy it’s got Christmas music woven into the score. A man journeys across the country to reunite with his estranged family, but practical problems beset him; as he overcomes his issues, he realises his own failings and love for his wife just in time to save Christmas with the help of some conveniently-placed gift tape. Plus it’s hilarious, tense, exciting, well-acted, and just overall excellent from beginning to end. Not just the best Christmas film; the best film set at Christmas, and very easily one of the best films ever, full stop.

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992): a surprisingly faithful Dickens adaptation, considering 70% of the cast are made of felt. But it’s supremely heartwarming, a delightful, optimistic, uplifting mini masterpiece. As well as the great execution of the material and the awesome Muppet japery, it deserves a special mention for Michael Caine’s note-perfect Scrooge, a naturalistic centre amidst the madness.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993): is it a Christmas film or a Halloween film? I say it can be both! Terrific production design and gorgeous animation help sell the story of a disillusioned man yearning for something new before realising what he had was pretty great to begin with. Cute and sweet but also nasty and grimy, it threads this needle perfectly. Great soundtrack, too.

White Christmas (1954): speaking of great soundtracks… whilst fact-lovers will let you know the title song originated in the film Holiday Inn, White Christmas features fewer scenes of blackface, so it gets the nod. The war veteran plot may smack of American patriotism, and the romantic entanglements underserve the women somewhat (basically, Bing can do no wrong in this film), but overall the sentimental storyline meshes with the excellent songs and gorgeous dances.

Scrooged (1988): our second Christmas Carol adaptation, this one giving the old tale a modern twist (well, modern for 35 years ago…). Bill Murray is perfectly cast as the cynical, capitalist TV mogul who’d staple antlers to a mouse’s head to get ratings; his descent into mania followed by his teary-eyed redemption is beautiful to behold. Arguably the best ghosts in any adaptation, too. Niagara Falls!

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946): from Niagara Falls to Bedford Falls. Wonderful Life is a Christmas movie that probably spends most of its time away from Christmas, charting the life of George Bailey (James Stewart, effortlessly loveable). It’s also a film that understands the melancholy aspects of the holiday, as it’s pretty dark, Bailey’s life a series of disappointments until he’s reminded not only of his own worth but how much what he has means to him. It’s a bit like Die Hard, really. But very few films can possibly have an ending as uplifting and tear-inducing as this one.

Gremlins (1984): from Bedford Falls to Kingston Falls. Gremlins succeeds as a Christmas film by really undermining most of what a Christmas film should be about. It’s not really a heartwarming treatise on togetherness; it’s actually a gory, hilarious, nasty little horror film. But the Christmassiness shines through because of the way it’s punctured, from the ironic use of Holiday standards to Phoebe Cates’ unforgettable monologue.

Scrooge (1951): outside of modern twists and talking rats, this is the best version of A Christmas Carol out there, and once again it hinges on its central casting. Alastair Sim gives Scrooge a Shakespearean streak of cruelty, his hangdog face showing glimmers of malevolent joy in his every mean turn of phrase. And then when he sees the light, he’s standing on his head and accidentally flashing his housekeeper. Plus it’s beautifully shot in black and white, almost noirish at times, and gets bonus points for including the creepy Ignorance and Want kids.

Miracle on 34th Street (1947 & 1994): I couldn’t choose! I just couldn’t! Which is better? Neither! They both rock! Showcasing the general niceness of Santa by sticking him in a department store and making him charm the pants of the capitalists and careerists is one thing. turning it into an engaging courtroom drama is genius. The original, I feel, is the sharper, funnier, slightly edgier film; but the remake has arguably (by a nose) the better Santa, Mara Wilson, and the great “In God we trust” ending. So it’s a tie.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989): a dose of genuine silliness to round things out as we enjoy the best Griswald movie. Loads of daft jokes about Christmas traditions and preparations, dreadful family members, and exploding cats, plus a great dose of Mele Kalikimaka. But beneath the blocked-up shitters there’s some genuine heart and warmth to this film, making it more than just an excuse for some OTT Chevy Chase antics. And in the UK, at least, it remains more-or-less family friendly.

I’m not gonna be sniffy and explain why certain films didn’t make the cut. Although there are a couple – Trading Places, for example – that I think I need to re-watch to decide if they’re quite Christmassy enough, or just “set at Christmas”.

Anyway, I think that’s enough for this year. Merry Christmas one and all, peace and goodwill to all men, women, and non-binary people. Best wishes for 2023. Now let’s all open our presents and rewatch The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special.

[lizisshortforlizard]

Dominion trailer thoughts?

How would Lizzy fit in if at all?

If you can’t tell from my entire aesthetic change, I’m very excited.

Under the cut because it really is an essay.

*cracks knuckles*

I’m excited too.

Gonna be a mess as I’m spewing thoughts here.

Okay, first of all. The latest trailer is extremely cool. Ignoring the actor who plays him, Grady is a great character and him doing his Monty Roberts thing with the parasaurolophus was a strong intro. Curious what Claire’s contribution is as she appears to have been sidelined apart from holding her breath as a dino looms above.

Hammond’s voiceover almost made me cry. God, I miss Richard so much.

Now, I’m a sucker for practical effects. But they appear to have outdone themselves with the CGI (feathered dinos?!) The visuals with the Mosasaurus, the rex at the drive-in, the trikes and the helicopter attack were insane.

Baby Blue? Blue’s baby? Teaching to hunt? Yes. Life finds a way and so on. Interested in the science behind that.

There’s definitely something going on with Maisie and Biosyn, whether Blue is involved or not, that’s hard to tell. The fan theories about Maisie being part-dino might not be so far-fetched after all. But I don’t think the dinos are the main villains…

ALAN

ELLIE

IAN

Mum, dad and weird uncle Ian! The band is back together! Seeing Alan and Ellie at the dig site gave me such feels.

I want to know who that other woman is in the helicopter, standing beside Grady etc. it would be oh so cool if it were Kelly Curtis Malcolm, but I don’t know how likely that is.

(Also Sarah Harding?)

One thing I am really missing is Lex and Tim. I wonder if Joe and Ariana have cameos, if they are being kept a secret, or if they were never signed up in the first place. But it would be cool to see the Hammond grandkids all grown up and having to deal with what their grandfather set in motion.

Finally: Dilophosaurus. I have a special place in my heart for that pesky lil demon. That display at the end of the trailer was just…yeah. It got to me. (The dilo is special to me because its where I h/c that Lizzy is actually mentioned, though not by name, in the JP novel, one of the first chapters I ever wrote for LD)

As much as I think Lizzy would still be up for helping out if she really had to (and she still loves Alan, Ellie, Ian etc. to bits) Jurassic Park is her story, not Jurassic World. She lost a lot of people the first time around and isn’t in a hurry to do it again (also I am not at all tempted to write a full-length JW fic for her!)

Maybe she is like Yoda and appears to give Owen advice using the Force before dematerializing again. Or, y’anno…drops in via Skype when he’s least expecting her.

I’ll let her enjoy her peace in India sitting drinking chai (yeah, she’s given up the coffee now) while the odd pteranodon flies overhead.

Your header image of the teeth is extremely cool. I think we’re all excited, even those of us that weren’t so much before. This movie feels like more of an homage to the original JP.

[365days365movies]

May 9, 2021: A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) (Recap: Part One)

Welcome to the future.

At this point, we’ve mostly looked at the past, present, or the near-future (as in, the next ten years, if that). Additionally, we’ve looked either at nonexistent technology in a contemporary setting, or an extension of existing technology taken to a logical next step. But no more. No more realism, no more real-world rules, and nothing that we’re even close to in this reality.

Well...mostly.

That’s genuinely impressive, not gonna lie. Anyway, yeah, from here forwards (for a bit), we’ll be looking at the future and futuristic technology. Now, there are a couple of ways in which these films tend to go. The first big way that we tend to represent the future in film is the same way we always have: flying cars, futuristic technology, smart houses, and robots.

Now, there are countless examples of this future, and it always changes a bit depending on the present. Which, yeah, makes sense. After all, what I’m doing right now, at this moment, would’ve been seen by many people as a massive technological achievement, even around the time that I was born. Which, yes, I’m old, deal with it (because I can’t). Anyway, the way that this begins is with the first major filmed view of a seemingly idyllic future: Fritz Lang’s 1927 film Metropolis.

The overly mechanized (and politically dystopic) society seen in this film, as well as the visuals and technology, would inform our ideas of the future throughout the next century. Multiple themes and common objects reoccur throughout futuristic fiction. You know the stuff I’m talking about. Flying cars, automatic food machines, robotic assistants, video watches, holograms, jetpacks, so on and so forth.

But here’s the thing about the future. It’s always ahead of us, and eventually...well, we’ve gotten to most of those things to some degree. Either they already exist...

...or is currently being developed.

Well, one of them we’re still working on. And the development of more advanced AI is something we have yet to perfect, or even fully develop. However, the development of A.I. (and the consequences of that technology) are ALL OVER science fiction. Sometimes, they’re merely used for flavor to help establish the futuristic setting.

Sometimes, they’re characters with their own agency and conflicts, which may or may not define the plot. In these cases, they’re often simply there to back up the main human characters, and help with their development, and sometimes their own. You know, manic pixie dream robots.

And then, possibly most often, they’re the abject villains of the piece. they can be mysterious alien technology, like in The Day the Earth Stood Still, or a man-made danger that turns on the race that created and/or abused it.

But then, on occasion, an A.I. is given the chance to develop as a character, without being used to define the development of a human character. Sometimes, the question of what life truly means is raised through these characters, and we become attached to them outside of any other character. This isn’t nearly as common as the others, but it’s definitely not unheard of.

And for the record...things don’t often go well for those AIs. But still, some of those characters have quite a lasting impact. So, there’s quite a lot of potential for this type of character, from a dramatic standpoint. And that potential leads us to the guy who made this.

I WILL MAKE A JURASSIC PARK REFERENCE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE

Steven Spielberg gives us today’s entry, and this director of a classic science fiction story about science gone awry teamed up with the director of a science fiction film where an artificial intelligence went awry. You know, this thing.

I didn’t forget about HAL. And I won’t forget about him later, either.

Director Stanley Kubrick is pretty well-know for his mind-bending films, especially The Shining and 2001: A Space Odyssey. But he also worked with Spielberg on this film before his death in 1999, as this was one of his dream projects for many years, and the two directors were well-known friends.

And so, eventually, Spielberg was given the reins from Kubrick, and results were...mixed. It’s funny, because I’ve never actually seen this movie, but I remember it through its surprisingly widespread ad campaign. I used to go to NYC as a kid a lot, and there was a massive building-side plastered with the iconic logo of this movie. So, I’ve been hovering around this movie for a long time. Enough navel-gazing!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (Part One)

It is, unsurprisingly, the future. A marrator informs us that climate change has caused the ice caps to melt, and global flooding drowns several countries. You could say that it’s a...Waterworld.

I genuinely considered watching that movie at some point, and then I decided I liked myself to much to watch 2 hours of Kevin Costner’s emotionless acting. Granted, it’s not much better now, listening to the emotionless acting of...

Professor Allen Hobby (William Hurt) is a straight-up sociopath. OK, technically, he’s a robotics engineer, but dude’s making a speech, right? He talks about how far robots have come, dissing my boi Deep Blue in the process, and notes that pain-memory response can also be demonstrated by robots. He proves this by stabbing a woman in his audience, like RIGHT through the hand. Jesus, man! Why the hell would you do that?

Oh. Holy shit, I got fooled. Advanced technology indeed. But OK, so Sheila’s a robot, and a very advanced one...to us. But Hobby wants more, and proposes to his workers to make a robot that can really TRULY love. And through love may come a true subconscious, which means making a robot that can dream. And what better robot to make than a robot child? After all, all child conception requires a license in this futuristic world, so many childless couples are yearning for a child.

Which is why, twenty months later, the first robot child is offered to Henry and Monica Swinton (Sam Robards and Frances O’Connor), a couple...with a child. Um. Guys. You JUST SAID that there are legit childless couples who need a child, and those people would be best suited to love that robot child back (a VERY GOOD question raised by one of Hobby’s subordinates). So why give it to a couple whose son is still alive? Yeah, he’s got a rare disease that they don’t have a cure for yet, and is currently in cryostasis, BUT THEY HAVE A KID! Surely, that’s going to be a potential emotional conflict! And what if the kid wakes up or some shit? This is a TERRIBLE goddamn idea. Think this shit through, guys.

And yet...

This is David (Haley Joel Osment), Cybertronics’ first child robot, brought home by Henry to essentially replace their son. Which is AMAZINGLY FUCKING TONE-DEAF AND INSANE, GODDAMN. That’s extraordinarily messed up. And, for the record, I totally get what Spielberg’s going for, but Jesus Christ, man. This was a terrible way to go about this. And it gets fucking WORSE.

See, Henry (who actually works for Cybertronics) tells Monica that, once they sign the papers and complete the updates, David will imprint on them and see him as their true parents, loving them unconditionally. Which...yeah, fuck, that’s an entire DUMP TRUCK of ethics issues right there. And, while we’re at it, David is...creepy as shit. I mean it, dude, Haley Joel Osment is a VERY good child actor, but he’s laying on the creepy robot child thing THICK. And yeah, this is BEFORE he imprints on them. Jesus fuck, man, there’s a scene where the still uncomfortable Monica is outside of a glass door, and he looks back at her THROUGH THE DOOR like a goddamn SERIAL KILLER.

And I gotta tell ya, dude does not lay off that creepy-ass dial one iota. And for that matter, the music by John Williams ISN’T FUCKING HELPING. LISTEN to this shit, and imagine a robot child that you don’t know wandering around your house. It’s amazingly fucking creepy.

AND IT JUST. KEEPS. GETTING. WORSE. There’s a scene where they’re all at dinner, right, and David’s just staring at them as they eat, mimicking their actions. After all, he’s a robot, he can’t actually eat or drink anything because of his internal working. And then, out of FUCKING NOWHERE, he starts laughing like the FUCKING JOKER, and it scares the EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME. And somehow, they laugh alongside him, in the never-ending Stockholm syndrome that is this movie! And as soon as its over, he just STOPS laughing, spontaneously. Fuck me, man, I’m tempted to stop watching here and now, and I’m only TWENTY MINUTES IN! I need a fucking break.

And after that...OF COURSE she decides to activate his imprinting protocols to make him, let me remind you, LOVE HIM FOREVER! She reads out a series of words, and after “FREIGHT CAR”, he knows his mission is to kill the Prime Minister of Sokovia. But first, he’ll settle down and love Monica unconditionally (again, FOREVER), calling her Mommy and making me shit my pants in fear. IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS FUCKING DAVID

Oh, and by the way, isn’t it kinda shitty to do that without Henry being involved AT ALL? Like, cool, he has unconditional maternal love, but Henry wasn’t a part of that conditioning at all! And he still refers to him as “Henry” instead of Dad! However, Henry definitely doesn’t care about that, because he still sees David as only a robot. Hey, guys, maybe using these two as your first experiment with a robot child WAS A TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA, YOU IDIOTS! No wonder William Hurt was cast as Thunderbolt Ross in the MCU. Already shown he can play a character with shitty ideas before.

Anyway, after this terrible series of events, David prevents the parents from leaving one night due to his childlike antics. When Monica goes to comfort him, he asks how long she’ll live, and tells her that he hope she never dies, a COMPLETELY NORMAL THING TO SAY. Look, I get that he’s a robot, but only a goddamn emotionless sociopath would program emotional responses like this into a robot. Which, given what we’ve seen of Hobby, makes sense.

In response, she gives him Teddy (Jack Angel), a technologically advanced teddy bear with sentience, a personality, and the voice of Astrotrain from The Transformers TV series. Because, yes, I am THAT MUCH of a goddamn nerd.

Soon after, the house gets a phone call, which David receives...literally. He takes the phone and allows it to speak through him. It turns out that, shock beyond shocks, THEIR SON IS CURED! Yeah, fuck. Maybe giving David to a family with a STILL LIVING SON is a fucking ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE IDEA, for about a thousand reasons.

And, fucking understandably, Martin Swinton (Jake Thomas) is a little upset to find out that he’s essentially been replaced by a robot kid. Although, to be fair, he’s also kind of a dick to David, holding his humanity over him and treating him as a toy that he attempts to manipulate and bully. My Lord, this is a massively stupid idea. And Martin immediately shows his dickishness by asking his mother to read Carlo Collodi’s The Adventures of Pinocchio to them. Which is meant to be a punishment for Pinocchio. However, of course, David loves it.

Still, however, there’s trouble in paradise for David, as he tries to compete with Martin for being a real boy, and eats spinach at dinner one evening. Despite Teddy’s mildly ominous warning to him (”YOU WILL BREAK”), he keeps eating until he basically has a stroke and breaks, forcing him to be repaired by some of Cybertronics’ technicians. Monica has a bit of a break down as a result, which Martin notices. This causes Martin to go pure supervillain, manipulating David to do creepy things in order to insert doubt into Monica about David. Jesus, Martin’s a creepy kid, too. No wonder Monica grew to be cool with David, her actual son is a FUCKING SOCIOPATHIC MONSTER! Are there ANY truly normal people in this world? IS THIS WHAT THE FUTURE IS?

Martin convinces David to cut a lock of Monica’s hair while she’s sleeping. And lemme tell ya, a little boy holding scissors over someone while they sleep is not exactly comforting. Henry agrees, and after stopping him, believes that they need to return him. Monica disagrees, knowing that they’ll destroy him if brought back. But David, ever the semi-sociopath himself, ignores any signs of humanity in David and dismisses Monica's feelings for him entirely. He also says this thing about “IF HE CAN BE PROGRAMMED TO LOVE, CAN NOT HE BE PROGRAMM-ED TO HATE?”, which...no. No, he cannot. He didn’t learn to love, he was programmed to. And, again, that’s ethically FUCKED, but taking that into account...no. HE WASN’T PROGRAMMED TO HATE, HENRY. Goddamn, buddy, use your head here.

It’s Martin’s birthday, and his friends at the pool party expose David to the fun world of anti-robot (or Mecha) racism, and test to see if he has Damage Avoidance Systems by threatening him with a knife. And he does. Buuut, when those systems kick in, he goes to the nearest point of safety to keep himself safe. That point is, unfortunately, Martin, whom he gets behind...and accidentally drags into the pool.

Thing is, because of Martin’s recent illness, he can’t exactly swim, meaning that David almost drowns him. When Henry and other partygoers go to save him, they abandon David in the pool completely. And now, David’s fucked. Because although this situation isn’t even a little bit his fault, he also just nearly killed Martin. And so, after seeing notes that he’s been writing to her, Monica offers to take for a “ride in the country”. Which definitely means something good. In reality, she’s planning on taking him back to Cybertronics. But once in the car, there’s a change in plans. And hear me out...it’s arguably far more horrifying.

She decides to abandon him in the woods completely, despite how hard it is for her to leave him. She’s sparing him from death, sure, but also throwing him into a world he doesn’t understand, and for reasons that he doesn’t understand. It’s genuinely terrible. And then...yeah, she leaves him forever, to an uncertain future.

End Act One.

I think this is a good place to stop. It’s early, and I need more coffee to handle this shit. See you in Part Two. Of Three. Yup. It’s a long one.